I love the idea of “closing the aperture.” When I had my son, I feel like I was thrown into an even further state of hyper vigilance that has been hard to get out of at times. It does seem doable to explore turning it on and off at times while maintaining some boundaries - I’ve never been able to handle scary/violent movies, especially now as a mother.
Love this new format, Molly. Also really appreciate the shift from highly sensitive to highly sensing. That lands with much more ease and confidence. Hugs, Annie 💖
"Highly sensing doesn't mean unable to deal" -- yes, that's a strange paradox, isn't it? I hadn't articulated it to myself that way, and yet there is so much I can examine and absorb that others won't or can't seem to bear perceiving. And then sometimes I seem to do the grieving for all of us, too, although that may just be me wanting to find meaning in what can (also) be my own tendency to overdose on melancholia. I feel that many of my best tendencies and capacities can become my worst ones, unless I balance them.
Ok want a list of recs? For whatever reason this browser isn't letting me tag, but I think you'd like Maggie Smith's For Dear Life, Culture Study with Anne Helen Petersen, and Draw Together with WendyMacNaughton. Maybe also check out Hedge Mystic!
Ahh yes this all resonates for me, and also for mothering my firstborn who is extra lately (and always). I’ve found myself blaming myself for that even though she was born eyes entirely open, sunny side up, staring at us all intently. I mean, the writing was on the wall right from the get go! But it is exhausting to exist this way myself, and also to parent another highly sensing human... trying to teach her to turn down the volume on the vigilance sometimes feels like swimming upstream! Because I went on to have 2 other children, life showed me that I needed to inhabit the other postures from time to time, but I find myself often called back to my natural state: observing, planning, worrying. Sigh. It is still a balm to read another’s experience of it, though, so thank you ❤️ I also feel for our kiddos, they have the benefit of parenting that can help name what is happening whereas our generation often was simply told to get over it 😉
Niki, yes to all of it. Yes, yes. Naming what's happening is so key. And turning down the vigilance is an epic task at times. Thanks so much for sharing here.
Reading this was a gentle reminder to go outside every day. I got all sad thinking about that kind of life of 80 hour work week, big city life, no nature, violent movies, constant tech stimulation, inside all day. And then I shuddered with gratitude that I don’t live that life. Am so incredibly grateful that I have a backyard! Postures are so fun to play with. Posture play. Felt inspired to play more with postures.
Helena, yes the outside. I wish that for everyone. It is a human rights crisis that people not only live in food deserts but also in nature deserts. Nature is everywhere, even in the smallest bits, but everyone deserves to be able to sit under a tree.
Two comments, both inspired by Courtney’s wonderful writing. First, from Courtney’s perspective last week, everyone should read Sarah Viren’s “To Name the Bigger Lie”(2023). It’s use of Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave”, from beginning to end of this “Memoir in Two Stories” is totally unique and worthy of any serious search for Plato’s meaning and relevance today.
Second, being “sensitive”, however it’s expressed, is admirable. The virtue ranks high in literature about “emotional intelligence” or the ideas of Engaged Buddhists like Thich Nhat Hanh and the Dalai Lama. Gandhi made it the basis of his theory and practice of satyagraha or nonviolent power. It’s a strength, not weakness.
Thanks for this opportunity to contribute. DD (Dennis Dalton)
Hi DD, Thanks for your thoughts here. I attended one of your workshops (suggested by Courtney) in California years ago and so appreciate your work and presence. Yes, a strength not a weakness indeed! There is popular language-ing out there that sounds like "don't be sensitive" etc. It especially surfaces in schools. Parents will hear, "Well, your child is just the sensitive type" whereas the other children are "adaptable"... there's so little nuance in how the language is used and nuance would be a good thing! The "sensitive" child might be noticing and responding to the dysregulation in the teacher or classroom whereas the "adaptable" child might be tuning the whole thing out, or disassociated. No fault of either child, just different nervous system responses. And there are many more possible ways of being in-between. Polarities are rough. I want to broaden our cultural labeling and make space for fluidity in the patterns of people.
I do think I am highly sensing, but I also am learning not to get it twisted - what I sense is through MY lens and not always accurate in terms of the intuitive leaps I make about others. I have to slow down a lot and remind myself that creatures around me are genuinely different and don't have the same experiences that I do even in the same room. Sounds so obvious as I write it but is such a big part of the pain in my life.
I'm so excited you're here and I'll be spreading the good word.
I love Kate's suggestions and would also add Garrett Bucks' The White Pages and Sarah Wheelers' Momspreading into the mix.
Courtney, yes absolutely. This is big for me too, to not assume others are sensing what I am sensing, or that I should sense what they are sensing, or that what I sense about someone is right. It does seem, though, the onslaught of current fast-paced culture seems to look at the highly sensing and say, "What's your problem? Why is this hard for you?" when perhaps those highly sensing people are feeling a large structural imbalance across society, one that might be affecting most people whether they say it or not.
Such a beautiful read. Makes me think of ways I can heal my little highly sensing self who was parented in a way that exacerbated the overwhelm. On Substack I love Susannah Conway and anything Suleika Jaouad writes!
Love this piece Molly! Resonated deeply. Thank you for the invitation to play with my posturing! Makes me think about our conversation about aligning with the self, then the space in between and then the other! And then the question how we choose to align. Taking that time to pause and check in before the response.
I love the idea of “closing the aperture.” When I had my son, I feel like I was thrown into an even further state of hyper vigilance that has been hard to get out of at times. It does seem doable to explore turning it on and off at times while maintaining some boundaries - I’ve never been able to handle scary/violent movies, especially now as a mother.
Love this new format, Molly. Also really appreciate the shift from highly sensitive to highly sensing. That lands with much more ease and confidence. Hugs, Annie 💖
Thanks Annie, so glad it lands in that way for you.
"Highly sensing doesn't mean unable to deal" -- yes, that's a strange paradox, isn't it? I hadn't articulated it to myself that way, and yet there is so much I can examine and absorb that others won't or can't seem to bear perceiving. And then sometimes I seem to do the grieving for all of us, too, although that may just be me wanting to find meaning in what can (also) be my own tendency to overdose on melancholia. I feel that many of my best tendencies and capacities can become my worst ones, unless I balance them.
Ok want a list of recs? For whatever reason this browser isn't letting me tag, but I think you'd like Maggie Smith's For Dear Life, Culture Study with Anne Helen Petersen, and Draw Together with WendyMacNaughton. Maybe also check out Hedge Mystic!
Seconding Annie that I'm excited to see you here.
Kate, yes I hear this. Two sides of coin always: "overdosing on melancholia" is such a thought-provoking phrase. Thank you also for these recs!
Ahh yes this all resonates for me, and also for mothering my firstborn who is extra lately (and always). I’ve found myself blaming myself for that even though she was born eyes entirely open, sunny side up, staring at us all intently. I mean, the writing was on the wall right from the get go! But it is exhausting to exist this way myself, and also to parent another highly sensing human... trying to teach her to turn down the volume on the vigilance sometimes feels like swimming upstream! Because I went on to have 2 other children, life showed me that I needed to inhabit the other postures from time to time, but I find myself often called back to my natural state: observing, planning, worrying. Sigh. It is still a balm to read another’s experience of it, though, so thank you ❤️ I also feel for our kiddos, they have the benefit of parenting that can help name what is happening whereas our generation often was simply told to get over it 😉
Niki, yes to all of it. Yes, yes. Naming what's happening is so key. And turning down the vigilance is an epic task at times. Thanks so much for sharing here.
Reading this was a gentle reminder to go outside every day. I got all sad thinking about that kind of life of 80 hour work week, big city life, no nature, violent movies, constant tech stimulation, inside all day. And then I shuddered with gratitude that I don’t live that life. Am so incredibly grateful that I have a backyard! Postures are so fun to play with. Posture play. Felt inspired to play more with postures.
Helena, yes the outside. I wish that for everyone. It is a human rights crisis that people not only live in food deserts but also in nature deserts. Nature is everywhere, even in the smallest bits, but everyone deserves to be able to sit under a tree.
Two comments, both inspired by Courtney’s wonderful writing. First, from Courtney’s perspective last week, everyone should read Sarah Viren’s “To Name the Bigger Lie”(2023). It’s use of Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave”, from beginning to end of this “Memoir in Two Stories” is totally unique and worthy of any serious search for Plato’s meaning and relevance today.
Second, being “sensitive”, however it’s expressed, is admirable. The virtue ranks high in literature about “emotional intelligence” or the ideas of Engaged Buddhists like Thich Nhat Hanh and the Dalai Lama. Gandhi made it the basis of his theory and practice of satyagraha or nonviolent power. It’s a strength, not weakness.
Thanks for this opportunity to contribute. DD (Dennis Dalton)
Hi DD, Thanks for your thoughts here. I attended one of your workshops (suggested by Courtney) in California years ago and so appreciate your work and presence. Yes, a strength not a weakness indeed! There is popular language-ing out there that sounds like "don't be sensitive" etc. It especially surfaces in schools. Parents will hear, "Well, your child is just the sensitive type" whereas the other children are "adaptable"... there's so little nuance in how the language is used and nuance would be a good thing! The "sensitive" child might be noticing and responding to the dysregulation in the teacher or classroom whereas the "adaptable" child might be tuning the whole thing out, or disassociated. No fault of either child, just different nervous system responses. And there are many more possible ways of being in-between. Polarities are rough. I want to broaden our cultural labeling and make space for fluidity in the patterns of people.
I do think I am highly sensing, but I also am learning not to get it twisted - what I sense is through MY lens and not always accurate in terms of the intuitive leaps I make about others. I have to slow down a lot and remind myself that creatures around me are genuinely different and don't have the same experiences that I do even in the same room. Sounds so obvious as I write it but is such a big part of the pain in my life.
I'm so excited you're here and I'll be spreading the good word.
I love Kate's suggestions and would also add Garrett Bucks' The White Pages and Sarah Wheelers' Momspreading into the mix.
Courtney, yes absolutely. This is big for me too, to not assume others are sensing what I am sensing, or that I should sense what they are sensing, or that what I sense about someone is right. It does seem, though, the onslaught of current fast-paced culture seems to look at the highly sensing and say, "What's your problem? Why is this hard for you?" when perhaps those highly sensing people are feeling a large structural imbalance across society, one that might be affecting most people whether they say it or not.
Such a beautiful read. Makes me think of ways I can heal my little highly sensing self who was parented in a way that exacerbated the overwhelm. On Substack I love Susannah Conway and anything Suleika Jaouad writes!
Love this piece Molly! Resonated deeply. Thank you for the invitation to play with my posturing! Makes me think about our conversation about aligning with the self, then the space in between and then the other! And then the question how we choose to align. Taking that time to pause and check in before the response.
Hi Sophia! Yes, the pause. Pause, a true pause, was so unavailable to me for so long that it feels like a new language I developed in my late 30's.