Boredom and I have a curious relationship. When I was bored as a child it was met with “only boring people are bored” which I made mean: you don’t want to be THAT so stay away from boredom, avoid it, bypass it—don’t be IT. Some days it’s like I wake up in a boredom desert without water or a map. The landscape change is welcome but then panic tickles me like grass on my leg and I notice the no water or map status. I’ve come to see these telaportations as opportunities to be curious and notice, like you mention Molly, and have molded for years. I’m grateful for a partner who also does not judge but is a hand to hold or arms to hug. Here’s to staying curious to what’s yet to reveal itself.
Emily, so interesting about boredom. I love how you've given it an identity so that you are in relationship with it--because relationships always shift and grow.
I relate to so much of this, Molly. Food feels charged for me, too, interwoven with my health. And that can be a hard place to live in. After dealing with some really challenging digestive health issues last year, food felt like my enemy and my savior. If I ate the 'right' things, my body felt great - reliable, nourished, strong. If I ate the 'wrong' things, I felt so, so very sick. I spent so much of last year feeling sick. I'm feeling most better these days, but I'm still healing that part of myself that fears food. I'm learning the balance between treating food as medicine and allowing myself to just enjoy what I want to eat. It's hard. And joyful. My dietitian has helped more than anything (and it helps that they're currently in SE training!).
Anna, absolutely. The overcoupling with eating and health is a THING. Especially because it's real cause and effect. I resonate with everything you wrote. It is a balance. Thank you for sharing.
Oh goodness, I’ve been in hungry Rox mode and didn’t notice. This gave me a watchful perspective to observe her, huge gratitude Molly for your honesty and gritty wonder, as always; twinkly raw. I mean I’d noticed and laughed a bit that I’m being childlike. Baby nervous system-great phrase-Roxanne likes to put herself in impossible, unsolvable situations, she finds adult tasks too much too, she is also vacant and finds ways to expand her vacant lack of presence, so she can deep dive into more of it, swim in it, escape the present. She chases hard edges. She wants to be stroked. Hungry Roxanne wants to lie down, but she hasn’t had a chance, she wants softness, in texture and in being, she wants to rock gently in a hammock while filling her fingernails with fine leaf mulch as she drags them on the ground beneath. She wants to slow dance alone. She wants to press her face against the forest floor and breathe in the ancient wetness. 🙏🏻💫♥️
I relate so much to this: "It’s hard to explain what a baby nervous system means: raw, disoriented, tender, unable to do adult tasks, my hand and tongue involuntarily moving to find a new way, to re-orient. I know that last part sounds strange but, if you are in the somatics world, you get it. Walking around my house shuffling papers, organizing menus but unable to buy food, showing up for my work and then collapsing afterwards, the world of tax preparation so bizarre, loss of short-term memory, the slowest of slow."
This resonates at such a deep level right now. My body crying out for me these last few months; often my Hungry Self is getting nothing in but an interesting thought. Some wonder. Feeding her varies. It depends upon whether I can orient to now. And, I have to orient to now to heal. So, Hungry Self isn't past self... we are one in the same. Shadow being embraced, tossed aside for a moment of deep cleaning (yes!) and then she's back. Oh, and I'm definitely working to not cling to food-ish things. Control keeps me physically well but mentally unhinged. So, I'm inviting in some broken rules each day. Nothing to cause terrible harm, but enough to give me some texture and shape - that life doesn't turn gray around the edges.
Boredom and I have a curious relationship. When I was bored as a child it was met with “only boring people are bored” which I made mean: you don’t want to be THAT so stay away from boredom, avoid it, bypass it—don’t be IT. Some days it’s like I wake up in a boredom desert without water or a map. The landscape change is welcome but then panic tickles me like grass on my leg and I notice the no water or map status. I’ve come to see these telaportations as opportunities to be curious and notice, like you mention Molly, and have molded for years. I’m grateful for a partner who also does not judge but is a hand to hold or arms to hug. Here’s to staying curious to what’s yet to reveal itself.
Emily, so interesting about boredom. I love how you've given it an identity so that you are in relationship with it--because relationships always shift and grow.
I relate to so much of this, Molly. Food feels charged for me, too, interwoven with my health. And that can be a hard place to live in. After dealing with some really challenging digestive health issues last year, food felt like my enemy and my savior. If I ate the 'right' things, my body felt great - reliable, nourished, strong. If I ate the 'wrong' things, I felt so, so very sick. I spent so much of last year feeling sick. I'm feeling most better these days, but I'm still healing that part of myself that fears food. I'm learning the balance between treating food as medicine and allowing myself to just enjoy what I want to eat. It's hard. And joyful. My dietitian has helped more than anything (and it helps that they're currently in SE training!).
Anna, absolutely. The overcoupling with eating and health is a THING. Especially because it's real cause and effect. I resonate with everything you wrote. It is a balance. Thank you for sharing.
Oh goodness, I’ve been in hungry Rox mode and didn’t notice. This gave me a watchful perspective to observe her, huge gratitude Molly for your honesty and gritty wonder, as always; twinkly raw. I mean I’d noticed and laughed a bit that I’m being childlike. Baby nervous system-great phrase-Roxanne likes to put herself in impossible, unsolvable situations, she finds adult tasks too much too, she is also vacant and finds ways to expand her vacant lack of presence, so she can deep dive into more of it, swim in it, escape the present. She chases hard edges. She wants to be stroked. Hungry Roxanne wants to lie down, but she hasn’t had a chance, she wants softness, in texture and in being, she wants to rock gently in a hammock while filling her fingernails with fine leaf mulch as she drags them on the ground beneath. She wants to slow dance alone. She wants to press her face against the forest floor and breathe in the ancient wetness. 🙏🏻💫♥️
Roxanne, what a portrait! I can see her in the hammock and then face down breathing in the forest. Lots of liveliness in here.
A muddle of shadow and baby! Muddling times
I relate so much to this: "It’s hard to explain what a baby nervous system means: raw, disoriented, tender, unable to do adult tasks, my hand and tongue involuntarily moving to find a new way, to re-orient. I know that last part sounds strange but, if you are in the somatics world, you get it. Walking around my house shuffling papers, organizing menus but unable to buy food, showing up for my work and then collapsing afterwards, the world of tax preparation so bizarre, loss of short-term memory, the slowest of slow."
Thank you for sharing so openly and beautifully.
Kristen, I'm glad it struck a chord. :)
This resonates at such a deep level right now. My body crying out for me these last few months; often my Hungry Self is getting nothing in but an interesting thought. Some wonder. Feeding her varies. It depends upon whether I can orient to now. And, I have to orient to now to heal. So, Hungry Self isn't past self... we are one in the same. Shadow being embraced, tossed aside for a moment of deep cleaning (yes!) and then she's back. Oh, and I'm definitely working to not cling to food-ish things. Control keeps me physically well but mentally unhinged. So, I'm inviting in some broken rules each day. Nothing to cause terrible harm, but enough to give me some texture and shape - that life doesn't turn gray around the edges.
Thank you, Molly. And thank you, Hungry Molly.
Receiving & holding your tender share with compassion and gratitude. <3 <3 <3