What People Need

One again... going back to basics

Last weekend, I descended into a deep emotional hole.

I could not get out. Even as I hung out in the snowy mountains with my family and some dear friends, even as I tried to enumerate all the beauty around me and in my life, I just got deeper and deeper and deeper.

What pulled me out?

I’ll tell you but first… I’m so tired of the quick fixes, the hacks, the 2,000 different exercises to find yourself, even the sudden mental diagnosis. At the rate people are self-diagnosing (yes, it has a place and can help), I often see those labels cement people further into believing they are the problem. Is everyone really suddenly ADHD? Where is the zoomed out view of: “Oh I feel scattered as fuck 24-7 because I live in a modern environment and system that promotes inability to mono-task” or “Oh I’m depressed because we are facing planetary crisis and I rarely see people in person anymore.” Everything is both/and, but I want to name the larger frame. Again.

We need each other.

We are starving.

We are literally starving for human interaction and community and accountability, especially in an era when so much is at stake globally. Yes, accountability! Needing to be of service to something other than ourselves. Time and time again, I’ve seen and heard about young people (who have ample gifted-to-them resources) or old people (who have retired and secluded themselves from community) wither away. Why? No survival need to work or to show up or be part of anything. They don’t have a place. They don’t have a role. They don’t belong to anyone or anything. No one is relying on them for anything. We all want to contribute. It’s in our DNA. **I know the other side of the coin is the primary epidemic: where a person is so deeply yanked down and relied upon that they can’t source their own clean air. Still, I think the balm for both might be the same.

So, what began to pull me out of the hole?

A breathing exercise? Nope.

An affirmation? Definitely not.

A nervous system soothing technique? Nope! Not even that.

Hanging out with my internal voice? Nah.

All those things are useful. I’m not knocking them.

BUT, I was brought back and squarely placed into myself by a tactile and human connecting experience—mucking horse poop and talking over the fence to a friend’s elderly Dad who is descending rapidly into dementia. I’ve known him without dementia and tracked his recent process closely through my friend’s stories. With a rake in my hand, I stood there looking into his eyes, knowing (without him knowing that I know) about his panic attacks and anxiety and overwhelm about getting on a plane to come visit his daughter, about choosing what clothes to wear. The spring sun burned my face. My internal slouch started to shift and I rose up to talk with him about everything and nothing and to simply be a person he can shake hands with, converse with and stand tall around so that he can touch into some normalcy.

That.

That is what brought me back.

Followed by other things: warm meals, teaching in-person, walking in the forest, some well-timed and loving mentor support, friends (always), dreaming up a future local workshop alongside an old friend, lots of hot baths, lying on top of one of my dogs, mobilizing for work I love.

Let us remember the most simple things.

Be a human to other humans. Be a human to yourself. Show up for someone. Put clothes on. I remember my midwife, almost 11 years ago, demanding that I find my clothes. We were living out of a suitcase with a newborn and she was firm: “No excuses. Go get out of your stretch pants and brush your hair.” I was initially offended but then realized what she was doing—nudging me to show up, to physically orient myself, to go about the daily tasks of composing a self simply for self-dignity. These days, it’s too easy for people to never leave the house or get out of pajamas. Yikes.

I want to make the distinction around showing up. I don’t mean over-riding and being a sacrificial lamb or martyr. Small moves instead. Talk to your neighbor. Put the phone away and look around to see who needs an actual hand with their groceries. Honestly.

Have we outsmarted ourselves with all of these “new” ways?

Every new article about general wellbeing lands on THE SAME OLD.

Eat foods your great-grandmother would recognize and enjoy them while you eat, drink plenty of water, move your body everyday (no need to be extreme), be part of a community where you add value and give and receive love, sleep and rest enough.

None of that has changed.

I want those things for every human.

Basics.

There is so much nuance to everything I just wrote, but I’m going to leave it there so I can free my eyes and move my body now.

Carry on.

Let us carry on together.

xx,